Camp Chronicles - Wednesday

"Describe practice today in one word."

"Emotional," Several girls replied to my one-word survey at dinner tonight. Today there were many tears, but also smiles of joy. The tears were partly attributed to several videos we watched throughout the day. I got chills as I listened to the story of Christ's death from the eyes of Simon of Cyrene. I saw Peter realize the depth of God's grace, though he was the last person that deserved it. I watched a man let God mold him into the person God wanted him to be, but the "chiseling" process was painful.

"Freeing," Many other girls answered. Early in the day we sat in the front rows with our masks. Eden had us pray about taking off our real masks in real life, then hang the fake ones on the cross when we were ready. And masks came off in a big way. I thought long and hard, because a mask isn't something I take lightly. I reached the point of surrender slowly and tearfully, but God brought me to a place of trust in Him. I pray that the girls and I will treasure that moment for years to come.

"A roller-coaster!" Some said. Today had some really high moments and some low moments. We finished choreographing "In Christ Alone" and the freestyle dance time near the end was definitely one of those beautiful moments for me.

"Laid-back," One student mentioned, and another said "relaxed." We had much less physical activity today and replaced the dancing with more devotional time. We talked about David and the mask he wore. We worked on the songs with less movement this practice, but several girls thought that even though we didn't move around as much, the day was still "tiring."

Other answers included "peaceful," "indescribable," "confusing," "fun," filled with "anticipation," like a "rainbow," "mixed," and "strong." The girls' different opinions on the day impacted me nearly as much as the day itself! I have known some of these girls prior to camp, and some I've never met before. I was able to relate to many of their answers and the explanations behind them.

Personally, I felt two things today. First, there was a spiritual battle going on in the room. Second, I felt like we united to fight that battle, and I saw God working today. And guess what? There's still two days and a concert left for Him to make more miracles! Stay tuned to see how God wraps this story up! While you're waiting, be praying about the girls' decisions to trust God with their masks, leaving them at the Cross.

Thanks for reading!

Camp Chronicles - Tuesday

"Involved."

"Thought-provoking."

"Intensive."

"Amazing!"

Those are some one-word descriptions of today's practice. We worked hard today. We had the chance to be real this morning and afternoon with each other, in our conversations and actions. The focus was on our identity IN Christ versus our identity behind our masks.

I'm not going to go through every minute of how our practice played out, but here were some of my highlights of the day:

• Worship time at the beginning of the morning was incredibly freeing. I got to sing out and just let the distractions fade away for a little while.
• We finished choreographing "Masquerade" and I'm just gonna say, it was EPIC. The song tells a story that gives me chills.
• We touched on every song except for two or three today! Specifically, we learned harmonies for "On My Own" and also worked on "Power of the Cross."
• Our devotional time focused on several verses in Romans 8. We discussed the fact that Christ is the only way we can let go of our masks. We aren't able to do it in our own strength (or "according to the flesh" like the passage says) and need to choose to trust Him.
• Over lunch time, we had a guest speaker, Macey Gardner. She talked to us about letting God be in control, using the allegory of a ship. For example, we can let God be the captain and steer the ship, but there are tons of rooms below the deck that no one sees. We can section those rooms off and refuse to let God in. Macey shared her story about giving God control of those rooms that she didn't want to let go of.
• Today we did a dance session that was interpretive in style. We turned the lights off and danced to "In Christ Alone." Jessica talked to us today about how our individual feelings can be expressed through our movement. It's hard to express in words what I felt in that moment while I danced, but I loved every second of it!
• After going back to Eden's house, we got to jump in the pool to cool down before dinner! It was a fun and relaxing break for me.
• This evening, we distressed pairs of jeans. Eden told us to let each rip, fade, or stain that we put on the material represent an imperfection of ours or something we want to hide. She encouraged us to keep the STELLO rules in mind (no gossiping, judging, or fear) while we did this activity. It was a good time for reflection for me and I was able to think about how the imperfections in my life could still be used by God for His glory.

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Thanks for reading! Be praying that the girls will be rested and will keep their voices in good shape. Pray also for our hearts and our motives behind the concert on Friday. God is doing big things this week, and there's still three days left to watch His story unfold!

Camp Chronicles - Monday

You know those days where you just have this moment of realizing that you've been waiting for a certain thing or event for almost an eternity, and now it's here? That was me today at STELLO camp. I've been excited since early spring to do this camp, and now, the first day is already over! For those of you who weren't there, here's the story of how the day went down. (From my perspective, at least!) 

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I took a deep breath as I reached the doorway of the church. I firmly grasped the handle and whispered a prayer before I pushed the door open into the room. It was nearly 10:00 am and several girls had already arrived, excited and ready to start the first day of STELLO camp. 

Hugs and lots of talking aren't uncommon at STELLO practices, and we certainly weren't short of either of those this morning. I was excited to meet some new girls this morning during our first half hour. We also played a game, which included running to the center of the room and giving a high five to another person. We would do this if we related to the situation that Eden gave us, such as if we were excited about camp or if we liked certain movies. It was a great way to break the ice and a fun start to the day. 

Next we did our Intro to Dance class. Jessica helped us stretch out and then taught us basic ballet bar positions, along with some jazz steps. It was a lot of work and several of us, myself included, were exhausted after our session. We finally headed to a short lunch break after we did some different floor combinations. 

Our choreography session took up the first half of our afternoon as we worked on "Masquerade" by Jonathan Thulin. Intense was the word many girls used to describe the different moves for this song, and the choreography was definitely difficult to do, for me anyways. Thankfully, all of the girls stayed safe and we finished choreographing over half of the song!

After a really short break, we started on the music portion of the day. We sang through the songs "Hero," "The Real Me," and "Stained Glass Masquerade" today. We did basic choreography on "Hero" and "Stained Glass Masquerade" and worked on harmony for "The Real Me." The songs are already showing a lot of concert potential, which makes me super excited!

After singing together, we headed over to Eden's house only a short distance away. For dinner, there was a baked potato bar and salad. It was absolutely delicious, and the snippets of conversation I heard during that time, from other tables and my own, were friendly and uplifting.

For our last part of the evening, Eden led a devotional. We discussed the different kinds of masks people wear. There are four kinds:

• The pretty mask is the one we wear to church on Sunday, the one that makes God "look good." 

• The grotesque mask, like the Halloween masks at a party store, is what the rebels wear. They push people away by distorting themselves to look ugly or dirty so that no one sees who they really are. 

• The surgical mask is to protect you or someone else. The people who wear this mask try to not get "infected" by other people who are being real. They also try to not "infect" others because they don't want to be real. 

• The "face copy" mask is intentionally made. It is fashioned to look like the person someone wants to be. Their hope is that they can assume that identity completely and their true self will simply disappear. 

We talked about these masks and finished the day by listening to a song that talked about a girl's decision to no longer perform for others. Eden challenged us to be honest and real tomorrow, just for a day. It left me with a lot to think about and I hope it did the same for the other girls, too.

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Please pray that the girls will stay healthy, get enough sleep, have lyrics and choreography learned, be open to being real, make and strengthen friendships, and honor and glorify God in their lives. Stay tuned to see how God continues to work on our lives this week!

The Masquerade Ball, Part 2 - "The Unmasked Man"

by An Orphan Crowned

“How did you know that I’m all alone today?

Oh, I feel so scared, and I want to go away

I bleed so deep underneath; my soul is screaming.”

-Natalie Grant, Safe

*****************************

(Continued from “Plastic Masquerade”)

The mask was there to stay. It was truly over. She would never get out. Or would she?

The Man knelt down next to the girl. She could hardly see Greed slinking back into the crowd through her mask and the tokens and the tears. Who is this Man? Is all of this real? I need to get away from here. The thoughts swirled around her like a hurricane as she tried to stand.

“Plastic...” The word just wouldn’t leave her alone. She slowly pulled herself together and stood up in front of the unmasked Man. Next to him, every impurity was fully realized. She could see all of the false beauty in herself. Nothing good existed in her. No wonder she felt like a manufactured person. She was just a name with an ordinary, perhaps ugly, face. She had no story to tell, no soul to be saved. Plastic with a mask on top of it all; that’s what she was. But though this Man made her feel so dirty, she also felt empowered from his gaze. She sensed the command he held over the entire room, and every eye was on him as he stretched his hand out… to her? “Would you like to dance?” He asked.

His words reached the depths of her soul and ripped it in two. His voice seemed to shake the room like an earthquake and stop her heart in the same instant. It was powerful, yet so gentle. She felt safe, yet vulnerable at the very same time. The girl desperately wanted to dance with him, but she knew he was more than just a good dancer. He must certainly be the creator of The First Dance at the beginning of time. He knew the language of this dance better than any other; he was so acquainted with it that it was engrained into his very being. There was no way she could accept this offer!

She closed her eyes and swallowed the anguish that threatened to choke her. She was lost in her silent misery for a moment before realizing that the Man still stood before her, offering his hand. “I… I cannot, sir.” She stuttered, her heart crumbling inside and tears filling her eyes.

“You think you aren’t worthy.” The Man stated. She couldn’t make her eyes meet his, for intense love poured from them. She nodded despairingly. “That doesn’t matter. Would you like to dance with me?” She started. All I’ve done wrong; and it doesn’t matter? How could that not matter?? 

As if the Man could read her thoughts, he announced to the crowd, “It doesn’t matter that you aren’t worthy, my friends. Let me tell you why.” The crowd grumbled, but they began to organize themselves in order to hear what this strange Man had to say.

The Man’s voice echoed powerfully through the dance hall as he told his tale. “I created the Dance. I called it beautiful, because it is a part of my nature, given its own life. Mankind has twisted the Dance into a masquerade of good intentions, and it grieves me greatly. I cannot be a partner for a mask wearer, because the order of the Dance would ultimately kill them. I sent my Son into the masquerade to free many from their masks. He took many of these coverings off of other people, leading the mask-makers to hate him, and me. They killed him.” At this, the Man’s face fell and the girl glimpsed a solitary tear run down his cheek. What an ending, the girl thought sadly. Why was he telling them a story like this?

“But it doesn’t end there.” The Man looked up. “My Son pleased me. He followed all of the orders of the Dance, and he embodied it completely. Where once I couldn’t be in your company because of your masks, you now can be a beautiful part of my Dance. And my Son, well, he defeated death. He lives today!” The Man opened his arms wide, gesturing to the people. “My Son died to free you from your mask. Trust in me and it will fall from your face.”

The girl, standing near the Man, felt the heavy tokens on her mask, their allure completely dissipated. She pulled them off and flung them to the floor until only the metal frame remained. Suddenly, horror struck the girl as she fingered the edges of the covering. It couldn’t come off the last time I tried; how would it be different now? Is it very painful? Do I really want to take the mask off all of the way? Her hands dropped to her side, leaving the mask on her face. Perhaps being a little cautious isn’t that bad. I don’t even know this Man! Why should I do what he says? The girl tried to justify her thoughts, but she knew what he said was the truth.

A sad smile rested on the Man’s face as he turned to her, and watched her struggle with her conflicted feelings. “My Son didn’t die so that I could tolerate your mask forever. Can I take it now?”

The girl frowned. “Let me just have it, just a little longer. I don’t know life without it."  She was amazed at her own boldness and disgusted at the question that came out of her mouth. “Is it not good that I am rid of all of these other tokens?”

The Man didn’t look very surprised. “These tokens don’t matter to me. It will hurt when the mask comes off, but you are also free to choose to keep it. After all, you are not fooling me. Would you like to dance?”

The question stung this time. How she wanted to dance with the Man! But she had to work on her attitude, she could tell. She was disrespecting his offer immensely, and he surely didn’t actually want to dance with someone like her. “Perhaps later. Thank you for your offer, sir.” She curtsied and turned away from the perfect Man, trying to mend her heart as it began to shatter entirely.

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I spent a LOT of my life refusing to give God control. Like the girl in this story, I encountered God and his rules before I accepted his gift of salvation. Though I knew a lot of things were wrong in my life, I didn’t follow his commands. When I got to the actual point where I was free to take my mask off, I was snared by fear and tried to hold tight to the familiar. I didn’t believe that God could change my life at all, because this sin and these masks weren’t going away. This led me to spend countless nights feeling hopeless, even though I could have been saved from a lot of heartache if I had learned the concept of Grace a little sooner. Unfortunately, I had to learn it the hard way. 

The Real Me Diary - "Paralyzing Perfection"

by Miss Thirsty 

Why do I feel like I have to be perfect?  Never showing the struggle, or pain, or desire for love? There is a pain in my heart and I am not as I seem, but why is there this paralyzing fear that if anybody knew, I would get hurt?  It is built in me to, deeply and powerfully, to fear judgment and failure.  Would people still want to be around me if they saw and experienced the real me?  Could anybody love this person who hides herself?  Would people really love me if I opened up? These things are to be feared but to what extent? To the extent that I am paralyzed?  Really, maybe I should not have that level of a fear when I come to the real me.  Instead of a good fear, perhaps it has turned into a bad fear. Wait. Are there others like me with their soul silently screaming?  I find myself feeling like I am the only one but is that really true? Perhaps It is like a Masquerade, where everyone wants to have their identity known, but doesn’t want to be the first to take their mask off.  How much would I be freed if I choose not to not to hide.  Would it really be that bad? Could I really find freedom from this fear and let go?  Knowing and doing are two very different things.  If I did open up, would I be loved? Is there anyone who could love the real me? And when will I stop trying to be perfect?

Sincerely,

Miss Thirsty

Ecclesiastes 7:20 - For [there is] not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not.

Romans 3:23 - for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Hebrews 12:2 - Looking to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God

1 John 4:10 - In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins

"My Mask is Changing"

by Stargirl

There is a girl who doesn't really like to show people how she really feels because she is afraid of how people will take it and if they will tell other people.  This girl’s mask is pretending to be somebody that she is not.  This girl is trying to be herself with some friends and trying to not care what people think of her true self.  She is trying to take the mask off because she knows she should be showing who she truly is and not trying to hide it.  She knows she is wearing a mask to hide from some people.  She struggles with saying what she is really thinking.  She tends to keep it all inside without sharing it with others.  She also has a hard time explaining things which makes being open even more challenging.  She is really working on being real to herself and to God.

The Masquerade Ball, Part 1 - "Plastic Masquerade"

by An Orphan Crowned

“Painted on, life is behind a mask

Self-inflicted circus clown

I'm tired of the song and dance

Living a charade, always on parade

What a mess I've made of my existence.”

-Natalie Grant, “The Real Me”

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“Worthless," Her partner muttered, noticing her weariness from dancing, and he deftly wove through the many dancers to the side of the room. The colors of the beautifully dressed crowd swirled around her in a blur. She couldn't see any details because of the speed of the dance.

“So ugly.” He smirked. They reached the edge of the mass of revelers, where the man let go of her hands. This wasn't what she had asked for. She couldn't stand it much longer. Certainly he had run out of insults by now.

“Hopeless.” Maybe not. She steadied herself and curtsied to the young man, whose face was hidden behind the slate gray mask. She did catch his sly smile, and he placed his token on her mask, whispering a final word before moving away. “Plastic.”

The girl pulled her dance card out of her pocket and read the names of the men she had danced with that evening. Pride, Lust, Anger, Sorrow, Fear, and the man who had just walked away, Lies. She was beginning to believe that she might, indeed, be turning into a plastic person.

I've been present long enough a time, she thought. Maybe I might slip away unseen. She was having a good time, for sure, but her mask was making her very tired. It had gotten heavy with all of the tokens the men had given her.

I wonder if I might take it off, just for a minute. She knew that tonight was the night she had to keep it on, and to keep it together. Maybe tomorrow she'd let it off. She had no intentions of anyone seeing her face tonight. It was far too different and, oh, what others would say! How they would ridicule her! No, she told herself adamantly. The mask must stay.

A wicked grin close to her face startled her and she looked up into the eyes of Greed, her next companion. He was very handsome and, after the initial scare, he began to look like a promising dance. And it was a good dance. He knew his steps perfectly and the two waltzed together in a wonderful rhythm.

The dance was over too soon, and she wished to dance with him just a little longer. He placed his token, a golden ring, on her mask and hissed in her ear, “More… you know you want more. You will always want more from me.” A wave of fear washed over the girl as she realized the truth in his statement.

She was suddenly startled again, as a man swiftly stepped between the two of them. In a crowd like this, one quickly noticed his odd choice of attire - a simple shirt and slacks, and no mask. What fool was this, stepping in front of Greed, and disrespecting several of the rules of the ball at the same time?

"Where's your mask? You cannot dance without one!" Greed yelled at this strange man and tried to push his way through. "She has another dance with me; look at her card!"

"Let's look, then!" The Man agreed and turned to the girl. Truth flowed from his being to her heart. She had never seen anyone without a mask. But this man, something was very different about this man. He seemed brighter than the others in this room. He looked better, more real, than all of the others in the room. In fact, he made everyone else look fake. So very fake. Plastic, the girl thought; and knew that she was just that.

Suddenly, the girl knew how desperately she truly wanted to take off her own mask. She could be like this Man and maybe some of the others would join her. It didn't matter what people said! She grabbed at the strings of her covering, only to realize with horror that they wouldn't untie. She pulled frantically at her mask, but it had adhered to her own skin. She fell to the floor in a heap as she realized that she couldn't take the covering off. It was over.

The mask was there to stay. Forever a plastic person, she would be. She would never get out.

Or would she?

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This story was inspired by a true one. The girl was me. A lot of the time, it still is me. The word plastic describes me so well. I've “danced” with many of these sins before and there was a point when this story was the ultimate reality. Plastic is who I became. I'd “dance;” then I’d get tired. I've tried to think my way out, but I would always choose to leave the mask on, because if I didn't, others would see the truth. That truth, sadly, wasn't an option.

I tried, like the girl, to take my own mask off and be like the unmasked Man, or Christ, but there was no way to do it, not by myself. I tried for a very long time to do it on my own, but it left me broken. Dirty. Helpless. Alone. So very alone. I felt betrayed by everyone, even God. There was no way to get out. Or so I thought. Then I realized what was missing. But that part of the story is yet to be told.

The Real Me Diary - "My Masks"

by Miss Thirsty

I feel empty yet full at the same time. Sad yet totally ok, and buried. People see me and don’t see the real me. I am torn because, half of me says they don’t care, and would be shocked with what they find. But the other half says I can’t stay like this much longer otherwise

I

Will

Break

Down.    

When you first see my life, you would see my “Good heart.” Sweet, kind, generous. Partly, this is true, but it is not whole. If I ever showed you the not so nice side of me, I would completely freak. I am a performer meaning some of what you see is fake. Not all, but some. My heart doesn’t ooze with love. So why should anybody love me. I don’t always love you. I hate it but it is the truth. I want to be Godly and read my Bible every day and pray every day, and have it all together every day. I am the “amazing” Girl everyone should love me because I AM NEVER BROKEN. Wrong. In my heart there is so much pain and brokenness that I will never let you see because I NEED to have it together. I fear being broken but I am more broken than I can express. Something that might be a bit more obvious is my beauty. Love is something I desperately desire, so I think, “Maybe if they love me for my outside, then they will find me and maybe love the real me.” What a fool I am. The outside isn’t always worth wanting and a person who care about the outside might never care about the inside.  This is the real me. All the time I feel empty because no one cares to find or wants to see the real me. Now yes I know that not true but it is how I feel. And I can’t stop because if I do, I fear my shame. Shame from others but mostly from me. Secretly I don’t like who I am which is why put on my stupid mask. It’s plastic, fake, and cheap, but it is defiantly better than the face behind it. I am a bomb. Quietly counting the second till I blow up. But there is no reason anyone should care. What I really want is someone who will find me. To love me even when I hate myself. Always be there so I can break down and never fear of falling. Is there such a person? Anyone who could love the real me?

Sincerely,

Miss Thirsty

Isaiah 62:5 - For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

John 15:13 - Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

"What's My Mask"

by Stargirl

There is a girl who has always acted differently around certain people and certain groups because she tries to fit in with people and their groups.

Sometimes she doesn’t always think about God or spend the time with Him that she should.

She also doesn’t always act like a Christian when she should because she's afraid.

This girl will act different when she is with some groups of people because she thinks others won’t like her and will find her weird.

She only opens up to people that she is really close with.

She is not really confident in herself.

Her mask is hiding who she really is...

and pretending to be somebody else.