The Masquerade Ball, Part 4 - "The Mask Uncovered"

by An Orphan Crowned

Usually, I start my posts off with song lyrics and follow with an allegory, but today, I want to share my story first. It was early March this year. I struggled through the last year with guilt, fear, and shame weighing me down. Of course, there were definitely lighthearted moments and places where I could truly see God working in my life, but I had reached a place where I was sick of the acting. I was sick of being stuck in a cycle of fighting to please God only to act out in rebellion, and let myself (and Him) down every single time.

A friend had given me a book called The Shack by William P. Young. It told the story of a man who couldn’t understand why bad things happen to people who don’t deserve it. God showed up in a miraculous way to this man and changed his heart in a weekend. I read this book straight through in a day, laughing and crying as I was reassured that God could and would use the pain in my life for His ultimate glory. I found hope that day. I begged God to help me to trust Him. God used this book to change my heart in a huge way!

The second part of the story took place at the STELLO summer camp, when I surrendered my mask. It was a day that truly showed me that I’m not alone in this struggle. I caught a glimpse of how much God loves me! I always try (as much as possible within an allegory) to match the real story with this girl’s. I want her to feel what I feel and struggle with the same battles. I really hope that you don’t just enjoy reading this story. My desire is that you might learn something new about yourself, or God. Thank you for reading!

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(Continued from "Confronted with Truth")

“Don’t worry, dear.” The Man whispered as a tear slid down the girl’s face. “There’s still Hope.” The song had finally ended and couples began to leave the dance floor to find their next partners. The Man still held the girl’s hand, and he asked, “May I have this next dance?”

“Why? Do you want to embarrass me further?” The girl responded miserably. “Why must you keep after me? What do I have that you could want?!” She began to turn away, but a gentle hand rested on her shoulder.

“I want your heart." The girl sighed, but the Man hadn't finished talking. "Sure, it doesn’t look pretty right now, but it can change! The laws of The Dance are impossible to follow, right?” She slowly nodded, her back still turned. “So stop trying to follow the rules. Simply follow me.”

You think I haven’t tried? The girl slowly pivoted to face the Man. “How?” She questioned skeptically.

“Let's dance!” He laughed as the music began again. “But this time, don’t rely on your skill; let me lead your steps.”

The next five minutes were a delightful blur. The girl made mistake after mistake, just like the last dance, but the Man didn't look angry or let down. He was patient, and, for the first time, the girl felt truly accepted by another person. It may have seemed an embarrassing or even disgraceful performance to any who looked on, but she didn't care. The two stepped in time and spun around till the room turned on its side. When the music finally stopped, they hurried over to the refreshment table, laughing the whole way. The girl noticed several of the other attendees looking at the pair uncomfortably.

Out of breath and giddy from the encounter, she still had some questions. “Why would you pick me?” The man smiled. “I mean, I’m not pretty. I've insulted you to your face, and I can’t dance as well as any other lady in here.”

“Let me tell you something.” The Man led her to a set of chairs near the table. They sat and he took the girl’s hands. “I see beyond all masks. I know your heart’s longings and your dreams. I knew that you would insult me, and that you would make mistakes while dancing. But I’ve told you before that it doesn’t matter! Your unworthiness, your worthiness, your looks, your fears, and your excuses don’t matter.”

“But… how could they matter so much to me, and be so meaningless to you?” The girl was astonished.

“It’s because I love you with a love that surpasses the external. I love your heart. Remember the story of my Son? He died so that you could be free from your mask! All you have to do is trust me to take your mask off. Then others will see the work I do in your heart.”

In that moment, the girl froze in fear, clasping her hands over the mask on her face. The Man hadn't mentioned her mask until now. As she shrunk away from the man, she noticed a peculiar sight. An unmasked lady sat nearby. How free she looked! Could I… could I be like that?? Could I be free? Slowly and tearfully, the girl removed her hands from the covering. She looked up. “Please… will you take it off?” She begged the Man.

Instantly, her face was revealed. Nothing was hidden anymore. Suddenly she was wrapped in a tight embrace, and she began to break down. The unmasked lady had rushed over and was hugging her tightly. The girl realized that she no longer felt alone. Her mask was off and she didn’t have to hide anymore! The lady looked down at her and smiled warmly, but she moved aside as the Man held his hand out to the girl.

“I believe we still have one more dance, my dear.” He grinned as the girl brushed the tears from her eyes. She remembered the name he had written on her dance card. Love, it had read.

“So, what does a dance with love look like?” She asked the Man as they headed back to the floor.

He laughed delightedly. “It’s the dance that never ends, as my love for you never fails. Now you can learn to live for me without your mask. You can share my overflowing love to others around you. When you dance with my love, you become free!”

That was the dance where the girl found eternal love. She didn't live happily ever after, because sometimes, life really stinks. But her mask was off, and she discovered freedom that day.

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"I'm not gonna hide, I'm not gonna run away,

I'll uncover the scars and show you every mistake,

Your love is mending my blisters and the bruising shame,

Here with you, I am safe.”

Safe - Natalie Grant

Camp Chronicles - Tuesday

"Involved."

"Thought-provoking."

"Intensive."

"Amazing!"

Those are some one-word descriptions of today's practice. We worked hard today. We had the chance to be real this morning and afternoon with each other, in our conversations and actions. The focus was on our identity IN Christ versus our identity behind our masks.

I'm not going to go through every minute of how our practice played out, but here were some of my highlights of the day:

• Worship time at the beginning of the morning was incredibly freeing. I got to sing out and just let the distractions fade away for a little while.
• We finished choreographing "Masquerade" and I'm just gonna say, it was EPIC. The song tells a story that gives me chills.
• We touched on every song except for two or three today! Specifically, we learned harmonies for "On My Own" and also worked on "Power of the Cross."
• Our devotional time focused on several verses in Romans 8. We discussed the fact that Christ is the only way we can let go of our masks. We aren't able to do it in our own strength (or "according to the flesh" like the passage says) and need to choose to trust Him.
• Over lunch time, we had a guest speaker, Macey Gardner. She talked to us about letting God be in control, using the allegory of a ship. For example, we can let God be the captain and steer the ship, but there are tons of rooms below the deck that no one sees. We can section those rooms off and refuse to let God in. Macey shared her story about giving God control of those rooms that she didn't want to let go of.
• Today we did a dance session that was interpretive in style. We turned the lights off and danced to "In Christ Alone." Jessica talked to us today about how our individual feelings can be expressed through our movement. It's hard to express in words what I felt in that moment while I danced, but I loved every second of it!
• After going back to Eden's house, we got to jump in the pool to cool down before dinner! It was a fun and relaxing break for me.
• This evening, we distressed pairs of jeans. Eden told us to let each rip, fade, or stain that we put on the material represent an imperfection of ours or something we want to hide. She encouraged us to keep the STELLO rules in mind (no gossiping, judging, or fear) while we did this activity. It was a good time for reflection for me and I was able to think about how the imperfections in my life could still be used by God for His glory.

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Thanks for reading! Be praying that the girls will be rested and will keep their voices in good shape. Pray also for our hearts and our motives behind the concert on Friday. God is doing big things this week, and there's still three days left to watch His story unfold!

Camp Chronicles - Monday

You know those days where you just have this moment of realizing that you've been waiting for a certain thing or event for almost an eternity, and now it's here? That was me today at STELLO camp. I've been excited since early spring to do this camp, and now, the first day is already over! For those of you who weren't there, here's the story of how the day went down. (From my perspective, at least!) 

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I took a deep breath as I reached the doorway of the church. I firmly grasped the handle and whispered a prayer before I pushed the door open into the room. It was nearly 10:00 am and several girls had already arrived, excited and ready to start the first day of STELLO camp. 

Hugs and lots of talking aren't uncommon at STELLO practices, and we certainly weren't short of either of those this morning. I was excited to meet some new girls this morning during our first half hour. We also played a game, which included running to the center of the room and giving a high five to another person. We would do this if we related to the situation that Eden gave us, such as if we were excited about camp or if we liked certain movies. It was a great way to break the ice and a fun start to the day. 

Next we did our Intro to Dance class. Jessica helped us stretch out and then taught us basic ballet bar positions, along with some jazz steps. It was a lot of work and several of us, myself included, were exhausted after our session. We finally headed to a short lunch break after we did some different floor combinations. 

Our choreography session took up the first half of our afternoon as we worked on "Masquerade" by Jonathan Thulin. Intense was the word many girls used to describe the different moves for this song, and the choreography was definitely difficult to do, for me anyways. Thankfully, all of the girls stayed safe and we finished choreographing over half of the song!

After a really short break, we started on the music portion of the day. We sang through the songs "Hero," "The Real Me," and "Stained Glass Masquerade" today. We did basic choreography on "Hero" and "Stained Glass Masquerade" and worked on harmony for "The Real Me." The songs are already showing a lot of concert potential, which makes me super excited!

After singing together, we headed over to Eden's house only a short distance away. For dinner, there was a baked potato bar and salad. It was absolutely delicious, and the snippets of conversation I heard during that time, from other tables and my own, were friendly and uplifting.

For our last part of the evening, Eden led a devotional. We discussed the different kinds of masks people wear. There are four kinds:

• The pretty mask is the one we wear to church on Sunday, the one that makes God "look good." 

• The grotesque mask, like the Halloween masks at a party store, is what the rebels wear. They push people away by distorting themselves to look ugly or dirty so that no one sees who they really are. 

• The surgical mask is to protect you or someone else. The people who wear this mask try to not get "infected" by other people who are being real. They also try to not "infect" others because they don't want to be real. 

• The "face copy" mask is intentionally made. It is fashioned to look like the person someone wants to be. Their hope is that they can assume that identity completely and their true self will simply disappear. 

We talked about these masks and finished the day by listening to a song that talked about a girl's decision to no longer perform for others. Eden challenged us to be honest and real tomorrow, just for a day. It left me with a lot to think about and I hope it did the same for the other girls, too.

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Please pray that the girls will stay healthy, get enough sleep, have lyrics and choreography learned, be open to being real, make and strengthen friendships, and honor and glorify God in their lives. Stay tuned to see how God continues to work on our lives this week!

Camp Chronicles - First Practice

-- WELCOME TO THE MASQUERADE. --

Today was our first day of practice for the STELLO Masquerade summer camp. Twenty-some girls gathered in the Kroeger home yesterday afternoon for the initial meeting. Smiles and hugs were exchanged around the room by old friends and many were introduced to new girls as well. Chairs lined up in neat rows were topped with practice binders for each student.

The afternoon began with introductions around the room. Each girl gave their name and told their story of how they learned about STELLO. Many of us girls mentioned moms or friends in the room as their source.

Next, Eden guided us through the material in our binders, including the daily devotionals that we will receive during camp week, a thick stack of Bible verses, camp policies, and the schedule. We will be using the material in this binder each day at camp in various ways.

Once we finished with those binder materials, the songs for the concert were played for us as we looked through the lyrics. The solos were given out earlier in the week to the auditioners. Today, we sang through several of the songs as we got a glimpse of the vision for the concert.

We then moved the chairs away and cleared space for our very first dance class of the camp. Jessica directed us in our choreography for the beginning of the concert. Many mistakes were made and retries were done, but we had fun trying some new things. The energy in the room was contagious and we made it through the dance class with plenty of laughter.
Our final part of the afternoon was allotted for a question and answer time with Jessica and Eden. You see, STELLO places great importance on relationships and community. The directors want to be open with us girls and us to be open with them. The ice was definitely broken during our Q and A session, and our time together this afternoon ended on a cheerful note. Girls chatted excitedly around the room while waiting for parents and many exclamations of "See you next week!" were excitedly called out to friends. Next Monday looks like it can't come soon enough.

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We will keep the blog updated daily during camp week with recaps of our time at camp. Please come back to read and support the girls these next two weeks. Be praying for their hearts, their health and their time together. Thanks for reading!