The Real Me Diary - "Paralyzing Perfection"

by Miss Thirsty 

Why do I feel like I have to be perfect?  Never showing the struggle, or pain, or desire for love? There is a pain in my heart and I am not as I seem, but why is there this paralyzing fear that if anybody knew, I would get hurt?  It is built in me to, deeply and powerfully, to fear judgment and failure.  Would people still want to be around me if they saw and experienced the real me?  Could anybody love this person who hides herself?  Would people really love me if I opened up? These things are to be feared but to what extent? To the extent that I am paralyzed?  Really, maybe I should not have that level of a fear when I come to the real me.  Instead of a good fear, perhaps it has turned into a bad fear. Wait. Are there others like me with their soul silently screaming?  I find myself feeling like I am the only one but is that really true? Perhaps It is like a Masquerade, where everyone wants to have their identity known, but doesn’t want to be the first to take their mask off.  How much would I be freed if I choose not to not to hide.  Would it really be that bad? Could I really find freedom from this fear and let go?  Knowing and doing are two very different things.  If I did open up, would I be loved? Is there anyone who could love the real me? And when will I stop trying to be perfect?

Sincerely,

Miss Thirsty

Ecclesiastes 7:20 - For [there is] not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not.

Romans 3:23 - for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Hebrews 12:2 - Looking to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God

1 John 4:10 - In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins

"My Mask is Changing"

by Stargirl

There is a girl who doesn't really like to show people how she really feels because she is afraid of how people will take it and if they will tell other people.  This girl’s mask is pretending to be somebody that she is not.  This girl is trying to be herself with some friends and trying to not care what people think of her true self.  She is trying to take the mask off because she knows she should be showing who she truly is and not trying to hide it.  She knows she is wearing a mask to hide from some people.  She struggles with saying what she is really thinking.  She tends to keep it all inside without sharing it with others.  She also has a hard time explaining things which makes being open even more challenging.  She is really working on being real to herself and to God.