by An Orphan Crowned
Usually, I start my posts off with song lyrics and follow with an allegory, but today, I want to share my story first. It was early March this year. I struggled through the last year with guilt, fear, and shame weighing me down. Of course, there were definitely lighthearted moments and places where I could truly see God working in my life, but I had reached a place where I was sick of the acting. I was sick of being stuck in a cycle of fighting to please God only to act out in rebellion, and let myself (and Him) down every single time.
A friend had given me a book called The Shack by William P. Young. It told the story of a man who couldn’t understand why bad things happen to people who don’t deserve it. God showed up in a miraculous way to this man and changed his heart in a weekend. I read this book straight through in a day, laughing and crying as I was reassured that God could and would use the pain in my life for His ultimate glory. I found hope that day. I begged God to help me to trust Him. God used this book to change my heart in a huge way!
The second part of the story took place at the STELLO summer camp, when I surrendered my mask. It was a day that truly showed me that I’m not alone in this struggle. I caught a glimpse of how much God loves me! I always try (as much as possible within an allegory) to match the real story with this girl’s. I want her to feel what I feel and struggle with the same battles. I really hope that you don’t just enjoy reading this story. My desire is that you might learn something new about yourself, or God. Thank you for reading!
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“Don’t worry, dear.” The Man whispered as a tear slid down the girl’s face. “There’s still Hope.” The song had finally ended and couples began to leave the dance floor to find their next partners. The Man still held the girl’s hand, and he asked, “May I have this next dance?”
“Why? Do you want to embarrass me further?” The girl responded miserably. “Why must you keep after me? What do I have that you could want?!” She began to turn away, but a gentle hand rested on her shoulder.
“I want your heart." The girl sighed, but the Man hadn't finished talking. "Sure, it doesn’t look pretty right now, but it can change! The laws of The Dance are impossible to follow, right?” She slowly nodded, her back still turned. “So stop trying to follow the rules. Simply follow me.”
You think I haven’t tried? The girl slowly pivoted to face the Man. “How?” She questioned skeptically.
“Let's dance!” He laughed as the music began again. “But this time, don’t rely on your skill; let me lead your steps.”
The next five minutes were a delightful blur. The girl made mistake after mistake, just like the last dance, but the Man didn't look angry or let down. He was patient, and, for the first time, the girl felt truly accepted by another person. It may have seemed an embarrassing or even disgraceful performance to any who looked on, but she didn't care. The two stepped in time and spun around till the room turned on its side. When the music finally stopped, they hurried over to the refreshment table, laughing the whole way. The girl noticed several of the other attendees looking at the pair uncomfortably.
Out of breath and giddy from the encounter, she still had some questions. “Why would you pick me?” The man smiled. “I mean, I’m not pretty. I've insulted you to your face, and I can’t dance as well as any other lady in here.”
“Let me tell you something.” The Man led her to a set of chairs near the table. They sat and he took the girl’s hands. “I see beyond all masks. I know your heart’s longings and your dreams. I knew that you would insult me, and that you would make mistakes while dancing. But I’ve told you before that it doesn’t matter! Your unworthiness, your worthiness, your looks, your fears, and your excuses don’t matter.”
“But… how could they matter so much to me, and be so meaningless to you?” The girl was astonished.
“It’s because I love you with a love that surpasses the external. I love your heart. Remember the story of my Son? He died so that you could be free from your mask! All you have to do is trust me to take your mask off. Then others will see the work I do in your heart.”
In that moment, the girl froze in fear, clasping her hands over the mask on her face. The Man hadn't mentioned her mask until now. As she shrunk away from the man, she noticed a peculiar sight. An unmasked lady sat nearby. How free she looked! Could I… could I be like that?? Could I be free? Slowly and tearfully, the girl removed her hands from the covering. She looked up. “Please… will you take it off?” She begged the Man.
Instantly, her face was revealed. Nothing was hidden anymore. Suddenly she was wrapped in a tight embrace, and she began to break down. The unmasked lady had rushed over and was hugging her tightly. The girl realized that she no longer felt alone. Her mask was off and she didn’t have to hide anymore! The lady looked down at her and smiled warmly, but she moved aside as the Man held his hand out to the girl.
“I believe we still have one more dance, my dear.” He grinned as the girl brushed the tears from her eyes. She remembered the name he had written on her dance card. Love, it had read.
“So, what does a dance with love look like?” She asked the Man as they headed back to the floor.
He laughed delightedly. “It’s the dance that never ends, as my love for you never fails. Now you can learn to live for me without your mask. You can share my overflowing love to others around you. When you dance with my love, you become free!”
That was the dance where the girl found eternal love. She didn't live happily ever after, because sometimes, life really stinks. But her mask was off, and she discovered freedom that day.
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"I'm not gonna hide, I'm not gonna run away,
I'll uncover the scars and show you every mistake,
Your love is mending my blisters and the bruising shame,
Here with you, I am safe.”
Safe - Natalie Grant
