The Real Me Diary - "My Masks"

by Miss Thirsty

I feel empty yet full at the same time. Sad yet totally ok, and buried. People see me and don’t see the real me. I am torn because, half of me says they don’t care, and would be shocked with what they find. But the other half says I can’t stay like this much longer otherwise

I

Will

Break

Down.    

When you first see my life, you would see my “Good heart.” Sweet, kind, generous. Partly, this is true, but it is not whole. If I ever showed you the not so nice side of me, I would completely freak. I am a performer meaning some of what you see is fake. Not all, but some. My heart doesn’t ooze with love. So why should anybody love me. I don’t always love you. I hate it but it is the truth. I want to be Godly and read my Bible every day and pray every day, and have it all together every day. I am the “amazing” Girl everyone should love me because I AM NEVER BROKEN. Wrong. In my heart there is so much pain and brokenness that I will never let you see because I NEED to have it together. I fear being broken but I am more broken than I can express. Something that might be a bit more obvious is my beauty. Love is something I desperately desire, so I think, “Maybe if they love me for my outside, then they will find me and maybe love the real me.” What a fool I am. The outside isn’t always worth wanting and a person who care about the outside might never care about the inside.  This is the real me. All the time I feel empty because no one cares to find or wants to see the real me. Now yes I know that not true but it is how I feel. And I can’t stop because if I do, I fear my shame. Shame from others but mostly from me. Secretly I don’t like who I am which is why put on my stupid mask. It’s plastic, fake, and cheap, but it is defiantly better than the face behind it. I am a bomb. Quietly counting the second till I blow up. But there is no reason anyone should care. What I really want is someone who will find me. To love me even when I hate myself. Always be there so I can break down and never fear of falling. Is there such a person? Anyone who could love the real me?

Sincerely,

Miss Thirsty

Isaiah 62:5 - For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

John 15:13 - Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

"What's My Mask"

by Stargirl

There is a girl who has always acted differently around certain people and certain groups because she tries to fit in with people and their groups.

Sometimes she doesn’t always think about God or spend the time with Him that she should.

She also doesn’t always act like a Christian when she should because she's afraid.

This girl will act different when she is with some groups of people because she thinks others won’t like her and will find her weird.

She only opens up to people that she is really close with.

She is not really confident in herself.

Her mask is hiding who she really is...

and pretending to be somebody else.